my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
