Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
