sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
