Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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