What a fucking waste of an outfit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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