ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
