Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
