Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
