please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
