i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
