Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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