Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
