Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
