I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
