North Korea, Best Korea!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
