She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
