I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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