OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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