Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
