i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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