if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
