Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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