You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
