He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
