She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
