just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
