I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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