my vag is so smooth its legendary
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
