Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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