Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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