Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
