this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
