I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
