I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
