Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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