there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
