her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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