I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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