Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how does that bad decision feel?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
