Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
