Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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