I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
