I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
