I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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