i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
