Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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