so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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