i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
