Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
