in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you would pick up someone in the library
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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