Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Less talking, more tequila
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The uberlube is also flammable
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
