There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
