It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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