I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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