I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it glows. i had to have it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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